Cosmic Consciousness

This is my experience and one that changed my life.

In the buddhism I have practised since 1983, individuals become part of a local group. This groups functions to support its members in their buddhist practise, providing study, mutual encouragement and friendship.

We don’t have a tradition, as in Tibetan Buddhism for example, of learning about the states of life after death. The focus of practise tends to be on principles that encourage manifesting our Buddhahood to overcome challenges in this life.

In January 1996, I was preparing to recite sutras and chant at my home. This was my choice, something I wanted to do. I wanted to offer my prayers of gratitude on the first anniversary of the death of John, and to support his life in the state of what we call death.

John was another buddhist, someone who had inspired me and whom I greatly respected. I had heard that when someone dies, we should continue to improve our relationship with them in death – the same as in life. So I spent a couple of days, cleaning, tidying and preparing my home as if John, an esteemed guest, was going to visit in person. I made everything just perfect.

That day, I kneeled down, sat facing my alter, placed my hands together and started chanting. I had let my group know the hours I would be chanting between so they could drop in and join in if they wanted.

I had a low prayer stool, I sat on it with my legs folded underneath into a comfortable kneeling position. Straight back, hands together, prayer beads between my palms and fingers, facing forward. I’d put fresh evergreen branches into two vases filled with fresh, clean water and a selection of ripe fruit offerings were washed and placed in special arrangement along side. New white candles and lightly fragranced incense were softly burning.

After I had been comfortably chanting around an hour, I became aware that someone was directly behind me.

I continued chanting, facing forward, knowing it was not possible for anyone to enter my apartment or be in that space. I could feel the presence of somebody, inches from the centre of my back. Not standing over me – just behind me as if they too, were at the same kneeling height.

I felt a slight fearfulness and did not want to turn around. The candlesticks in front of me were at eye height on my alter, and the stems were designed with a flat disc of reflective chrome. I noticed there was no image or shape other than myself reflected back at me in those polished surfaces. There was no movement or unusual lights appearing behind me.

It was then that I felt a feeling I can only describe as a kind of warmth emanating from this being into me. I started to feel something that I understood was total and absolute unconditional love.

It felt physical. It started to increase – almost like turning up a flame – radiating into my life until my life itself seemed to react. Tears of pure joy burst from my eyes and flowed down my cheeks.

Then it was gone. Minutes later there was a knock at the front door of my apartment, a friend had arrived to join me, chanting for John.

I don’t know how long the experience lasted. Maybe two or three minutes.

I was aware, grounded and felt my mind “probing” the experience. the room didn’t fade away or disappear. There were no feelings of psychic, word-based communication, or a message I was compelled to transmit to others. I had no feeling the entity was John, or anything else other than that this being had a pure wholeness beyond the human living experience. It felt like an entity that was able somehow, to put this experience – I can only describe as ecstatic, totally unconditional love – into my life.

I have never felt anything like this pure, unconditional love or had an experience like it since. Until, that is a couple of months ago. I’ll write about that another time as the circumstances were very different.

I have never shared this experience with my Buddhist group, we don’t tend to talk about entities visiting us.

It changed my life. It made me start to research, I still want to understand what this entity could be. It was real, it felt physical in the energy field of my back.

There was no trauma in my life at that time. My life was well balanced and happy.

On reflection, it feels wondrous that this entity “saw” me. It came to me, gently approached me and gave me something beyond words that is impossible to ever forget.