Cosmic Consciousness

Have you ever experienced an interaction with something (or someone) that dematerialised in front of you?

Around the beginning of 1994 I decided to take up an offer of a job in London. My son was nearly three years old and I had a great opportunity to get back into my marketing agency career. It was a bold step, I agreed with my (then separated) husband to move hundreds of miles for the job, seeing my son as frequently as I could at weekends. I estimated I’d work there for a year maximum to get my work back on track.

I arrived in London having arranged to stay with a friend at her spacious studio apartment. Rachel is a very generous person and gave me the time and space I needed to find my own apartment whilst starting work straight away.

Her flat was on the third floor of a large, yellow brick, Victorian building – built well over 100 years ago at that time. It consisted of a hallway from the front door that led into a high ceilinged studio space, sized around 400 square feet. It had two long, sash windows on one wall, hung with sheer, full length curtains.

Outside the building it was very busy during the day, cars and people passed along the congested old streets of North London.

My friend, Rachel, didn’t use a sofa bed at her studio, she rolled out a single futon onto the floor each night. Whilst I was there, her bed was along the wall where the windows were. My bed space was against another wall with my feet facing towards the windows – I slept on a single futon too.

The studio felt spacious, it was painted white with hardly any furniture, Rachel liked a clean, minimalist design and layout.

Around two weeks into my stay, I had an experience that I still recall vividly.

That night, Rachel and I had settled down to sleeping as usual. The curtains were closed yet soft light filtered in from street lamps outside.

I didn’t slowly wake up. I didn’t exit a dream. I simply opened my eyes – like I went from switched off to switched on. I was lying flat on my back, my arms were by my sides, my head was on the pillow.

At the foot of my bed stood the figure of a man.

Fear immediately clenched in my chest, I was confronted by an intruder who had somehow got into the apartment. He silently stood there, facing me. I didn’t move. I didn’t feel paralysed. I felt totally alert. The initial moment passed but he didn’t make a move.

I thought of Rachel. Had he killed her? Total silence pervaded the room. I slowly moved my eyes and head to the left and could see the natural shape of Rachel lying on her side facing the wall, bedclothes draped normally. She was untouched and sleeping.

I’ll describe the figure standing in front of me at the foot of the futon mattress.

He was standing with his hands on his hips. He was wearing what I would call a light coloured cowboy hat and black aviator sunglasses. He had light coloured skin and a shortish beard that was light coloured too.

He was thin and I estimate he was around five and a half feet tall. He was wearing a light denim style shirt and light denim style trousers – which were loose because he was skinny. I couldn’t see his feet but I remember his belt. It was like a cowboy belt – with a large, flat, rectangular buckle.

He just stood there, staring at me through these black sunglasses. His hands on his hips and his head moving and tilting in a style that made me feel that HE was confused! He was moving his head and looking at me as if he could see me but couldn’t understand what I was doing there.

Nothing about the way he was standing made me think he was about to attack me, if anything I thought he might say something – although I never saw his mouth move.

I felt my fear but I didn’t feel any aggression coming from him.

And then his sold self seemed to become less solid. From the head and lower legs first, moving towards the middle area. He became gradually more transparent until only his belt and buckle were still solid. Then that faded and there was nothing.

Seeing his belt there whilst the rest of him was nearly dematerialised was one of the things that struck me as extraordinary at the time – despite the circumstances.

After the space was clear, I became aware of background noise – a few late night cars passing on the road outside.

I sat up and looked over to Rachel. I could hear her breathing, she was fast asleep.

I lay back down and felt no fear, it had faded away when he did. I turned on my side and simply went back to sleep.

I didn’t wake up in the morning and wonder if I’d dreamt it, I wondered if I should talk about it.

I’d been friends with Rachel for many years. She is a very down to earth, no nonsense, practical woman. I hadn’t felt an urge to wake her up the night before but I decided to tell her about it the following evening.

Her response was to laugh and tell me, “oh you’ve seen a ghost darling, how exciting!”.

What troubled me was the manner in which I woke up and the way I felt this man was behaving, it wasn’t a wispy apparition, moving through the room. He was solid, he was dressed unusually, he was very focused on me and his bearing seemed questioning or confused.

I’m aware my life was going through a major upheaval at that time due to my moving hundreds of miles from my young son and starting a new job – and it could be argued that this created a chemical imbalance in my brain and caused me to hallucinate. I don’t believe this was a hallucination. I believe this was a non-physical entity that for some reason became temporarily physical.

Maybe I was engaging my consciousness more than I normally would though. I was reaching out with my spirit at that time and I definitely strengthened my buddhist practise.

I was committed to learning and doing the best I could in my workplace for my family’s future and I was praying and chanting every morning and evening to lovingly connect with my young son and for the buddhist gods (protective forces of the universe) to protect him.

Maybe that’s why this figure appeared, maybe I was lighting up and sending out flares through universal consciousness!

It’s been over 30 years since that experience and the memory is still vivid – unlike all the dreams I’ve ever had!

It’s a small experience, but I think worth sharing the details of the interaction.

Maybe something I describe matches an experience you’ve had?